TWENTY THIRTEEN

Left too long this blog of mine.. its been a year and a LOT of things have changed.. including my weight *sighs* but hopefully that will change this year. A New Year eve spent with my loving family.. 2 days after back to work full swing.

It has been three weeks into the new year .. so far.. on the work front we know it will get messier then ever .. a learning curve and will definitely bring in the paradigm shift however way we look at it. Hoping though it will end well (thats the optimistic me talking).

Three weeks into the New Year on the health front . . it has been 2 course of antibiotics.. from bad flu and swollen gums now having chest infections with bronchospasm... duh.. coughing your guts out is not conducive to my plans .. you cough every hour and cant get any decent sleep.. Allah have mercy on me and may my sins be forgiven. Now to pick up where i left off early last year.. yes.. my fitness regime and healthier diet.

This coming week will be heavy with important meetings and all that. Will for sure try to get on the health bandwagon.. sleep earlier and have a more healthier and balanced lifestyle .

This year.. My Lil'D started year 1...guess who was more nervous.. yes I was not ready but thankfully D was excited and so ready to go into his new school.. so far so good and am hoping for a great great experience it is what I call the second hurdle after montessori .. primary school! He has gotten many merit stars and its only 2 weeks of school :)


On that note here's to a better and more fulfilling year!

One of those conversations..

My not so lil D comes up with the most interesting Gems now and again. Smart Alec!

So as not to forget I shall try to preserve those "gems" in here now and again the following was what I remembered most:

(1) Lil D at 3

I Laf youuu..


(2) lil D at 4

In the car.. his Dad and I were having one of those random conversations that was very animated it may seem like a debate.. the lil guy was at the back playing his game.. quiet. The conversation got more animated and the lil guy gave his best "stern" voice and went.."Come on guys.. cut it out .. don't fight" hahahaha...I had to explain to him that Mommy and Babah were not fighting.. we were having a conversation.. and he said .."Not too loud guys" :P who is the parent here??!


(3) Lil D at 2 months after turning 5 years old

We were going around looking for a tailor that does an Army Uniform for his end of year concert. We had lunch but I did not get a chance to bring him to the lil men's room . So his Dad kept annoying him.. D... do you need pow pow..he went .. Nooo... the Dad did not stop there.. he went.. D.. you surreeeeee you don't wanna poo poo.. and he went noooo no needdd..and his dad went.. you sureee you dont wanna sheesheee.. by now he was growing tired of his Dad's incessant questions... His Dad asked.. your bag dont want to go to poo poo? D said.. NO!.. the dad laughed at his own jokes (I was busy playing scrabble on the Hubz iPhone)..what did the lil guy say.. Babah.. you ALWAYS make bad JOKES! hahahaha.. I almost peed on my pants.. the Hubz did not have a good come back for that! hehe..

The pic on this post is of Lil D with a schoolmate in their cute lil uniforms :) adorable!

(4) Lil D at 5

The Lil Guy have been pestering me for a lil sister or brother.. he says ada baby dalam parut mummy ..I want 2 okay.. and I say InsyaAllah . . you pray that Mommy can give you a sister or brother okay.. and he went off happy. The next day he ran into the room and say.. Mom I dont want baby.. no need to have baby.. and I went WHY ? he said.. I dont want you to get cut open when they need to take the baby out.. (I have noooo idea where he got that from either)! I had to explain to him that Doc's can do wonders and I wont feel any pain.. :P Then he said ok .. I want 2 ..If only Babies grow on trees!

After coming home from getting some stuff.. the lil Guy and I lingered outside admiring the moon..It was full moon. The moon looked so Big and Bright tonite.. Danial and I was appreciating it outside the house.. I said ...wah D the Moon look soooo Biggg and prettyyy... D said.. yessss.. its so Bigg and brightt.. why is the moon following me all the time :P heehhehe..

I love these moments..

TWENTY TWELVE

The first month of Twenty Twelve is almost gone.. the second months is upon us.. my how fast time is moving past.

Have been feeling physically and emotionally tired after a jam packed end of Dec 2011 and early Jan 2012. Got back to work and we had a strategic prioritization done..stuff on my plate..is tremendous!

Trying very hard to snap out of this malancholic feeling and get on with it.. what is clear is this..I refuse to read to much into things.. but I am only human . We feel ..We hurt.. We get annoyed..We worry.

On the home front.. My D came home telling me he can read . I took that with a pinch of salt, the week before we had done some reading and he was hesitant or not very confident although he can actually spell and sound the letters phonetically.

To my surprise.. this week he read 30 sentences surely and steadily.. oh I was sooo sooo proud! the more he progressed the more I cheered him on the more he was excited to spell and read. Alhamdulillah.

His maths (addition) was going very well too.. he loves his numbers it appears.

Am praying that this continues just so he does not have to face any more difficulties when he goes into Primary 1 next year. A big year next year and Hubz and I are still undecided as to which school to send him to. I hope we make the right decision and its a decision we will have to make fast in order to ensure he has a place to go to.

Hiatus

A lot has happened since my last post.. one years + worth of stories.. let's try to recap": (1) The Casa that was supposed to be ours did not fall through.. so we are still with the "in-laws" *sighs*. (2) My Uncle suffered a very bad stroke.. after christmas ..it was a trying time for the family for the first part of 2011..he survived but was left a shadow of his former self. You see the old him at times but .. such was the extent of the stroke. (3)2011 has been a year of many many many change in the office front.. it has brought on stress and huge huge upheaval some good ..some not so good. Restructuring on a 360 degree level..you can imagine what cleaning up and changes that needs to be done. That would seem to present the 2011 for me.. it does seem to feel though that it is the fastesssttttt year ever .. it was difficult and very very hard at times but I wonder the saying "time flies when you're having fun" have any truth in them :P (4)Was so so looking forward to end of 2011 because it was my cousins wedding.. and would be a long hard earned break! As I write this I am on the way back from that "break" .. it turned out it wasn't much of a break ..since the day I before I was due to fly back home for a 2 week long break..My dad suffered a stroke..mild .. considering his hemorrhaging.. he fell in the bathroom and no one realized he collapsed since he was alone on the ground floor for at least 6-7 hours.. he survived and has mobility but will need to undergo extensive physio and speech theraphy. (5) Lela's wedding went well.. happy for the bride and groom.. as all weddings it wasn't without its own drama.. but what matters most.. the bride and groom are blissfully happy and enjoying their honeymoon as we speak.. (6) Still no sibling for lil D.. :( (7) on a happy note.. sis in law J is with child and I will insyallah see my first Nephew in March 2012! My sis in law in Turkey (Hubz Sis) gave birth to a gorgeousssss baby girl..two other sis in laws ..(2 of Hubz brothers wife) each will get a new addition.. Alhamdulillah.. baby boom indeed in 2012.. wait a cousin in law is also preggers.. wahhh 4 new addition in 1 year .. Rezeki MinAllahhh :) may Allah give me that rezeki too insyaAllahhhh . I am now at the airport.. waiting for the plane.. back to "life" work starts tuesday.. hopefully it will not be as intensive and will be kinder to me..May Allah Guide me and grant me mercy ..Amin!

Nesting and other things

We are ready to take the plunge, we have decided to buy our own little nest in a strategic part of town.. accessible to a lot of places very strategic . Still talking to the developers and the Banks.. but am now full swing in the design mode... thank heavens I got my cuzzy to give some Home design ideas and lay out plans which will form as basis for the Developers Architect to develop on, thanks lel I owe you one . Once we finalized the layout plan, we will need to get approval from the relevant Department which would take ages I was told.

Once that is done we will then have to sign the dotted lines and be ready for a commitment which last the whole of my working life.. *sighs* but this is good.. its assets and it will be there for our progenies, at least it is prime land.

Hubz and I have sort of agreed on the house design.. but have a difference of opinion on where the layout should be.. I am adamant to have a deck/veranda  with a garden (or pool if budget permits) it will be tough seeing that it is small land. Lets see how it goes. If everything goes well we will need to start thinking of tiles,laminated flooring, lighting, furniture and fixtures. This is a big investment for us so we want to make sure it is what we really really want.

s I am loving these interior designs pictures taken from here and  here will gather inspiration from them..again budget permitting..will do the best we can. 

Wish us luck!

Oh on another note.. I got a promotion yay! ..a heavier burden sure but really no different than what I have been doing just heavier workload.

Home Sweet Home

Am Back Home and had a good time until Lil D got sick.. it would seem that the "break" we wanted turned out to be not so much of a break after all.. LilD had vomitted 12 midnite and had fever the next morning so most nites was me sponge bathing him and making sure he got his meds and comforting him when required..

Had a good time with my brothers tho..spent good quality time at home :) had a great time chit chatting and catching up...unfortunately we cant spend a lot of time on account of LilD needing a lot of rest and sleep..so a lot of time was spent at home.. had to scrap my plans of a picnic and splashing at the beach.. oh well maybe next time.. me thinks theres another long holiday a coming next weekend :P

enjoy the video I posted.. came across this and it was just gorgeous.. love love love it

Just like that..

*Disclaimer*

If you are squeamish and do not like to read about Women stuff please stop here

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After 3 years of waiting I was finally pregnant.. I found out in November after having the all too familiar sick and yucky feeling and I was late. I was happy , excited but somehow cautious maybe that was a sort of a premonition of what is to come.

I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks. Of course at that time you can hardly see anything through Ultrasound, I had issues with backpain and my gynae warn me that this fact worries her as it might be a sign that the body is rejecting the pregnancy.. she says come back in a weeks time and we will do another Ultrasound.  I was 5 weeks when I saw my Gynae...she saw the gestational sac and since its early pregnancy she congratulated me and told me to take care and set my next appointment.  On the very same day I started spotting.. I rushed back and she ordered me with bed rest.. to cut a long story short.. I was on several days bed rest, I went to another Gynae who gave me medication to enforce the pregnancy and the spotting stopped. All this while I thought there is a chance and the baby will be alright but my gut feeling told me.. something is amiss. 

I know I should learn to trust my instincts but I was so hopeful with this one.. ya lah after a long time waiting right..but something just niggles me.. the spotting went on for 3 weeks and stopped. It restarted as I was about to turn 11 weeks. I went to the my new Gynae but she was on leave and had given my case to her replacement. That Gynae did a scan and dropped me the news . 

She said, there is no point in prolonging the pregnancy because the pregnancy had not progressed as it should be. I was devastated..stunned.. though I had my niggling feelings and was "prepared" for any eventualities... it did not make it easier actually hearing this from her.. she advised that I should proceed with a D&C so that the pregnancy would not be toxic to me. I asked for time.. that was Xmas Eve.. I said I shall return to see her on Boxing day (the clinic reopens then) to sign the forms and schedule the D&C on Monday. The Dr. agreed.

I had started bleeding on Xmas.. though mild but I figured perhaps it would be better for it to come out naturally without having felt violated with the pregnancy forcibly extracted from your wombs. What was meant to be is meant to be.. I started getting cramps at 7-8pm  and it was in spurts ...I was still raw emotionally and was so mentally tired that I decided to take a pain killer for my headache then and go to sleep at 10.. I woke up at 12 feeling the beginnings of a contraction..but slept it off.. and the real pain started at 2am .. it went away and I went to sleep again but by 3am.. I could not sleep, lie down, sit or walk as the pain was excruciating..I was in "labour" . The pain?  only Allah SWT. will know .. and I remember thinking this must be what giving birth naturally feels like (my first pregnancy was an emergency C section after being induced ). 

The pregnancy came out after an absolutely unbearable painful contraction at 3.30am .. after that I stood up not knowing what to do.. I did not wake up hubz throughout all this ordeal.. I guess I needed to be alone going through this.. dunno if that even make sense. 

The next morning hubz and I buried it. I took a picture of it to show to the Dr. It was a weird feeling, my body felt like it was floating, I was shaking and emotionally raw.. traumatized to say the least. We went to the The replacement Gynae as per scheduled and I informed her of what had happened. She did a scan and told me it was a complete miscarriage and there is no need for any D&C. I was glad that at least I did not have to go through that procedure.

I asked for an MC to recover and strangely the Gynaed did not see the need for me to take leave , she gave me a measly 2 days after hubz insisted..as I was due to take leave on the 3rd day of the week anyway.  I was still in shock and did not see what she wrote. The day after I had to inform my office and a few friends about me taking leave etc...I took out the MC and what did the Dr. write ? "Gynalogical Problem" just like I suffered a severe bout of Menses or something. Insensitive much no ? ..I was livid! *sighsss*

Just like that it was all over, I suffered bad Morning sickness throughout and it stopped on the very day I found out that the pregnancy did not progress. I am still getting through it.. moving on. This much I know.. Allah knows best. 

I flew back home.. needing my Mommy wanting the comforts of home.. the whole family , extended family converged at my Aunts crib in Kundasang and Alhamdulillah it had the calming effect I wanted. It is good to be among family who really supports you and care for your well being. I am so thankful for that. I celebrated TwentyTen in a room with lilD asleep.. the fireworks was going up everywhere welcoming , celebrating. I had no resolutions this year.. I was not interested in any merriment I just wanted to be... calm , collect my thoughts, reflect and grieve. 

I went to my Gynae in KK. She did a good job explaining, articulating  what  was in my mind.. there was the guilt ,the worry ,the frustration, the anger and most of all the sadness. I am so thankful I went to her.

What is clear out of all this is . No matter how bad things are a good support system is all that matters. I can't imagine what the would have beens were if I had not had that support. 

Now... life goes on.. it was meant to be and I have learnt that to be the truth . Just like that, it was over ..so does all things in life.. just like that.

Praise

Happy New Year peeps..

It is TWENTY TEN ..Praise to Allah SWT that I am healthy and is recuperating as best as I can physically and spiritually..Alhamdulillah Lil D and Hubz is healthy . I am comforted that whatever adversity I face my family is always with me Alhamdulillah.

The earthquake in Haiti is another reminder for us to gather ourselves to do what really does matter in life.

I would like to share this beautiful number from Sami Yusuf.. I know I have been posting songs of late rather than "blog".. I find that this one reflects my mood.. give me time.. I am still trying to gather myself and blog about what has happened.. suffice to say I find solace in Allah and all that is willed.

The Climb...

A lot of time has passed.. a lot of things has happened .. deaths, birthdays and happy events all in the span of a few months.

I guess.. everyone needs to ascend in living their lives.. yes there are ups and downs.. but we make our lives what it is.. accountable to our own actions.. all challenges we have to face..head on.

This song is so apt. Enjoy this Acappella cover of M.iley's song by AHMIR- thanks Atty for introducing.. love their sound.. so reminiscent of B II M

p/s will try to update more

Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson, Beyonce Knowles, Celine Dion, Anastacia, Backstreet Boys, Luther Van Dross, Ricky Martin - What

To say we were shocked was an understatement, it was like loosing someone you know.. all of your life.. we all at some point grew up with Michael Jackson's song.. danced to it, lamented with it..sang to it..alas.. what comes from God will return to God..May God bless his soul..

Saw this video on utube..an MJ collaboration with the Stars .. not the most played song but I think this represents MJ till his death.. yeah what more can he give... RIP Michael Jackson.

Updates

Archived entry that I never posted..I just thought I would post it here now since I do treat this place as a journal of sorts. Wanted to remember this.

26th June 2009

A lot has happened since I last posted.. at work, at home.. I guess I have lost my mojo to post hehe..sooo drained by the time I come back from work and so packed during weekends and after work..oh.. on top of that very engrossed with my Scrabbles and FB"ing".. a quick update :

1.  Lil D has started school oh boy were we both heart broken .. he was absolutely fine when we dropped him off to school unfortunately since he was so used to afternoon naps he fell asleep in school. We did not manage to enrol him into the morning class on account of full quota..anyway when finally woke up he just started crying. The teacher rang me at 3.30 to come pick him up.. well that was the standing instruction anyway until further notice.. glad and proud to report that we only picked him up that once at 3.30 the rest is at 4.30 pm on the dot as it should be .
2. Lil D got used to school and are now enjoying it very much.. he even had a school trip on a bus to go shopping at SUPASAVE and had tea at the Millenium resto.. not bad for a not so 3 year old.
   
3. For the first time went to LilD's school to pick his report card and happy to report the 2 weeks he was there the teacher is well pleased with his progress considering he came in mid year when other students had a head start.
4. I have to start planning for Lil D's Birthday in August as I think this is the age that birthday celebrations will hold some sort of significance and this will be memories is created for them .
   
5. The Government Clinic says Lil D needs to get an MMR Shot 2nd booster when he reaches 3 in August.. bummer! I always get nervous when it comes to shots.
   
6. Discovered Lil D absolutely loveddddddd loved loved swimming.. absolutely refused to go out of the water even though a bit hesitant at first. Even wanted to go into the grown up pool as opposed to the baby pool!I had a tough time going in and out of the pool chasing after him ..but it was fun.
   
7. Had to rush Lil D off to the Medical Center as he was breathing really tightly.. no wheeze just labored breathing.. freaked the bejeepers out of me...hubs wasn't around .. good thing my aunty voluntered to send us ..we were there until 9 pm.. we reached there about 7ish, immediately attended to but..Lil D had to be nebulized so that he could breath more easily.. I absolutely hate it when a child gets sick.. the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders, you keep thinking of "what ifs" and "did i do that right?". Sighs Alhamdulillah .. he is in good shape now..after the nebulizer for about 30 mins and loads of coaxing and cajoling the nurse finally came in to take off the nebulizer mask.. he was so hyper but absolutely lurve the ventolin puffs he had to use..I stopped giving it to him after a week as  he stopped coughing and was much better.

Funeral

Touched me greatly.. at the end of the day it is all about your family..another great one from Yasmin Ahmad for the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) Singapore.

This and That

We have settled back with the in-laws , LilD absolutely loved it because my SIL and kids were back from Turkey ..not that they can really understand what the other talks about but the kids spoke a language that is a time honored tradition , the language of children.. isn't it funny that kids can "communicate" and enjoy each other without really understanding what the other is saying..I always marvel at this.

Aside from that AF7 is on going so is American Idol.. this year somehow I am more into American Idol than I am AF7.. not a lot of opinion on either so I resolved to just sit back and enjoy the ride .. am rooting for Adam lambert , Matt G and Danny Gokey  for AI.

On the work front .. boy was there many many changes.. we have a different boss now, different style all around but more importantly our previous Department is a fraction of what it used to .. sadness does not even begin to cover it.. the whole team feels dejected. The staff are being moved here and there.. and its just not the same any more. This however did not dissuade me, I seemed to have gained a new kind of resolve lately ... which is not to be too bothered with what's going on around me and just do my job and whatever crap they dished at me.. sure we grouse about it but I am extra careful not to let it get to me too much, I suppose that is life right ? I just feel that I need to be in a good frame of mind at this stage of my life.. sure there will be ups and downs but if the experiences early this year have taught anything it is to be firm on my resolve .

LilD will be starting school soon... I don't know if his baba and mummy is ready but we know it'll be good for him.. the teacher said it may be worth our while to enroll him in May (this saturday) since he will be 2 years 9 months soon but the dad and I think we will send him in June instead . He seemed to have enjoyed his assessment and having a laugh with new found friends so I am sure he will enjoy school but being a mom I can't help but think.. will he be able to sit still and listen to the teacher, will he be running around making too much noise, will he be sleepy since he normally naps in the afternoon ( he is slotted to go to Afternoon sessions the morning ones is full).. but I suppose we will just have to let him learn and we just have to learn to let go. Sighs my baby is growing up too fast. 

The outbreak of Swine Flu does not assure me either .. I mean its the Flu for crying out loud, how does one contain these virus that its airborne and can you imagine how easy one could catch it.. so we are extra diligent now.. always washing hands .. the advise is go back to basics .. wash hands after everything. Please take a moment to check out the powerpoint slides , got a heads up of it from a friend :

http://www.pitt.edu/~super1/lecture/lec34601/index.htm

Be safe and healthy people.. until next time.. toodles

xox

Supernatural

Yes.. I know.. this blog has been neglected of late. Part of the reason was.. We moved house last December and having to deal with a lot of upheavals at work . This is April and we have since moved back to my in-laws house. Why ? I shall tell you some of our experiences since staying at the house. 

Its a nice big house with huge compound.. huge master bedroom, nice living area outside and on the opposite side of the house there was one nice big bedroom with en-suite bathroom and two medium rooms one with en-suite bathroom and a small storage room. This place is quite far from where we lived before, the traffic congestions in the morning is horrible if you go out way past 7am it will mean you reaching the office way over 8 am  but otherwise the house is comfortable because we had a lot of space , more so than what we were used to anyway. The house looked good when we first saw it we see that it had loads of potential.. nice marble tiles inside lovely sized kitchen nice laundry area maids room etc.. nice . 

We were uber excited when we got the house.. shopped for sofa's and furniture and kitchen utensils, fridge, freezer you name it.. anything that will make a home a home, once ready we moved out of my in-laws and settled blissfully in the house.. not before we called one Ustadz to help bless and "cleanse" the house and another group of Ustaz who was from the Pejabat ugama who brought 3 of his helpers to again pray and cleanse the house. He gave us the verses to say and to enter at a certain period of the day and time of the week, what was imprinted by my head was he told us.. after entering the house facing the road and reading the verses.. we are to say loudly that we will be staying here from now on and kindly leave the house... or something along that line.. and he said if you hear anything fall or feel goosebumps that thing is in the house and will leave. Well Hubz did this and we did not get any reaction so we thought ok lah kow tim.. the house is ready to live in. We are not one to discount the supernatural but we were not quite 100% about experiencing what he told us let alone encounter such supernatural occurrences.

This is done because the house has been left empty for absolutely yonks and we did not want to chance it. When we first came in.. we did not feel too comfortable.. it felt lonely and empty if that makes sense.. we attributed that to having tooo much space ..well more so than what we are used to anyway ..oh that and there was just 4 of us plus maid who will be sleeping downstairs outside the kitchen where her room is situated.

The incidences 

It started about a week into us living there.. it was experienced by my maid first ..this was in December.

My hubz , lil D and I went out to fetch my mom and grams from the airport.. and basically spent time at my Aunt's house where they were staying. I had no knowledge of what she experienced that day until my MIL insisted calling this Ustadz who is very knowledgeable about "jin" about a month later. Apparently that night she was happily having dinner at the kitchen when she heard loud knocking on the window.. shocked the hell out of her she thought it was someone trying to be funny seeing that the empty house next door was under construction. She was spooked because she could not see "anyone" ..she immediately went to the living room and put the tv on again there was knockings on the window.. almost immediately when she came in. She gave us a very funny face when opening the door that night.. which brought hubs and I thinking.. what a sour face she cant be that tired ..after all we do not disturb her after maghrib anyway. That made sense when My Mom in law informed the ustadz what had happened. 

Another Incident told to the ustadz was this. My maid got up really early she will wake up for subuh prayers go up and collect the clothes to be laundered , shower and get ready for the day while the machine was on final spin, she decided to make some coffee to start the day I suppose.. since the coffee was pipping hot she decided to hang the clothes to dry before sitting down for breakfast.. this would be around 6 ish.. hubz and I wouldn't have gone down yet .. busy showering getting ready for work.. we have to leave before 7 remember, anyway when she got back from hanging clothes she found that her coffee that was pipping hot had been drunk to almost a cm left in the cup.. she was shocked no one was around and she only left it about 10 -15 minutes tops but again she kept this to herself. 

My maid must have strong spirits.. she did not want to tell us for fear of spooking us , she told my mil's maid and she in turn told my mil.. so that was how I found out ,I was oblivious to the whole thing..anyway..hubz and I was not spooked interestingly enough.. I just thought ok what are we gonna do about this now.. I basically found all this a pain.. and refused to be bothered by it. 

What I hated most was.. it would seem that every month since we entered the house LilD had some form of illness.. he had the worst fever ever and I suffered the same , we have had to bring him to JPMC for emergencies too because we were afraid he would convulse because he was shivering from the high fever.. he felt really hot but was cold. I had the same fever I think .. I couldn't get out of bed ..really high high fever..

Still we took it as one of those things.. meanwhile we have always played the Quran chanel non stop from the radio, we held prayers , we have our Quran reading once a week that was how we assured ourselves from these so called "disturbances" .

The third incident came and was experienced by me directly, I was cuddling lil D to sleep on my fit ball while i had the tv on mute and lights dimmed.. hubz was in the bathroom. Our master bedroom had laminated flooring so you would be able to hear papers of plastic scrapes on the floor.. anyway I was rocking forwards and backwards and was facing the TV with only a bedside table behind me.. we had our laptops charging and on mute, until i heard a realllly loud PSSTTTTTTTTTTT ... I dismissed it as probably scraps of paper or bits of plastic bag discarded that was scraped by the fitball.. but nevertheless I turned around as the sound came from behind me.. I looked down I looked around.. nothing the floor was clean.  I ignored it and turned around by then LilD was getting drowsy.. and again the sound came ..PSSSSSSTTTTTT.. louder this time to the extent that LilD looked up and looked around.. boy was I pissed off.. LilD is long and he is getting heavier now and it takes a bit of patience to put him to bed that way and that bloody thing woke him up.. I told LilD to ignore it and go back to sleep I told him "shhh...sleep ..there is nothing there.." I was not scared but felt urghhh.. that thing was playing with me!

One Sunday it was my maid's day off so we decided to hang around at my mil's seeing that the maid is going with mil's maid and it will be too tedious having to fetch her again later.. before leaving the house at 10am we locked everything as is the norm.. I went down to get things ready and checked everything.. before going down I also checked that the windows upstairs and my verandah sliding door is shut and locked of this I was pretty certain. My Verandah door is hard to open I say that because you need some force to push one side open and some more force to shut it. We came back home at about 7.30 pm as we decided to do maghrib prayers first before we left my mil's house. As we reached the house it was pitch black..it felt earie.. we had forgotten to leave any lights in the house on. So since LilD was asleep I had asked the maid to unlock the front door and open all the lights before I bring him in..as the lights came on .. I came down from the care and made my way in ..my maid came down from opening the lights and aircon in our room looking worried/puzzled. I said kenapa ? (why?) she asked me if we had shut the verandah door when we left the room I said yes.. she told me it was wideeeeee open.. the first thing that came to mind was ..Burglars.

I told Hubz and he went up to check.. I stayed downstairs with LilD. They checked everything .. my valuables ,electrical goods and important docs were intact. We all looked at each other after and that incident had sown the seed of  super uneasiness about the house.

Another incident came during national day.. I had O and G sleeping over and since they were participating with the march pass they had to leave before 5.30am . I had told my maid to make sure she unlocks the gates so that they could go.. so at 5 they all trudged out of the door my maid to the gate and O and G to the Car.. they were putting stuff in the car and putting on their shoes.. but My maid saw something that she related to me immediately when I went down for breakfast.. as she walked to the gate she saw something she thought was a big black plastic of rubbish but upon reaching she knew it was erm.. not rubbish but a being.. not human.. this is what she told me " she actually said hello excuse me.." she said this several times until she said aku mau buka pagar aku bukan mau kacau kau (I want to open the gate not here to disturb you) that thing turned.. her hair just stood on end.. freaked out , that thing was pitch black and when it turned it was not just the neck turning but the whole thing turned like a chair would swivel.. that thing got up and ran.. and vanished she opened the gate and walked really fast and locked the door. I asked O if they saw anything outside when they left .. she said nothing because they were oblivious and pre-occupied maybe excited for the day I suppose but when I relayed to her the story she said it made sense then why it took about 15 minutes for my maid to open the door when it should've taken less than that. O said my maid basically pulled up her skirt to her knees and walked to the house like she was going to take off.. so that story sort of checks out.

That was the point when we started feeling uneasy.. again another ustaz was called .. this one said they will try to move it.. they came and went up the rooms and around the house.. we were told it likes to stay at our verandah and on top of our verandah ,on the roof and one likes to hang where a mount was next to the gate.. that figures.. we did not hear a lot of after that cleansing until one friday.. I came down to go to work and on my way down i smelt something erm.. yucky its a cross between the smell of a wet dog fur and whatever they left behind.. and a fishy metallic smell....the maid was busy vacumming the floor and i saw she had the mop bucket there. I thought she had already mopped hence the smell.. she said "it stinks right  ?" and I said yes .. maybe we should get another mop assuming it came from the mop.. she was surprised she said but ma'am I haven't even mopped yet.. i dont know where this smell came from it was even worst at 5 this morning gives me a headache she said.. wanting to get to the bottom of it we both set about smelling sofa, carpet , curtain, floor.. no smell.. the smell was just well auguring around the living room.. when we asked the ustaz he said.. that thing got angry at being moved and came back ..I got pretty annoyed at that..

We experienced two more incidences the horrid horrid smell I mean, my maid smelt it next to her room and into her room and I smelt it as I was climbing into the Car to drive to work..I guess it was just making a statement.

After that several more ustaz and not so ustaz came .. we still hear knockings on the doors windows, one morning it was about 3 ish.. i basically jumped from my bed because i heard knockings..the thought process when I ran to reach for the door was I thought I was late for work , and if not perhaps there was an emergency and the maid needed help.. when logic sets in I stopped and went back to the bed and sat down.. I told my maid in any emergency CALL me don't come out of your room or don't come up .. plus the more I analyzed the more convinced I was that the knocking does not sound like it came from the door  (wood) it sounded like it came from our verandah sliding door , akin to using keys to knock on glass.. That spooked me but I still refused to be scared.

We lived like that for a month.. some weird sounds...knockings etc etc.. but we generally ignored it... in March again Lil D got sick.. fever out of no where.. thinking he may have caught the hubz's flu.. but it turned out to be some viral rash fever, we really have no idea how he would have caught that.

My maid again told my mil's maid that she has had another incident.. she refused to tell us until i absolutely forced it out of her.. that was early april.. apparently she had had the knockings this time more like scratching on her window when she peeked she saw a HAND coming out to touch her curtain she screamed! that really freaked her out.. but she maintained silence.

The climax was reached early this month.. my mom, grams and brother came over by Road.. my mom and grams decided to stay with my Aunt and my Bro at mine.  The first time my brother entered his room he was surprised that the curtains were flicked open.. as if someone had held it and let go .. he thought it was a lizard but no lizard unless its a big one could flick it that much.. he went there open the curtains and challenged .. ok come! but nothing happened.. the second nite he slept .. as he was about to settle in to sleep he saw something in the corner of his room.. something black but not distinct..he just read Ayatul Qursi and it went away but it was there for quite a while the same night the air condition to his room was shut off, they checked it was not due to a timer .. it was shut off.

When I heard that I told hubz .. enough is enough.. lets proceed to move.. because frankly after LilD stopped at the store room under the stairs which is always dark and GROWLED we both think we should move out soon I mean NO ONE taught him to do that and he would not have been exposed to such horror movies on TV !

On Sunday night since my brother will be going back with my mom and grams on monday morning, we all decided to go to my aunts again basically to hang out before they go back the next morning, since they are going by road we would not be able to meet up in the morning see, anyway before we left I had asked the maid to clear our bed since LilD played on it before. The main door needs to be locked by keys hence she locked up right after we left. After our visit .. we went home.. LilD was sleepy and wanted his milk.. so i went to our dresser where we kept the milk things.. the water dispenser bottle etc.. I had a whiff of the smell I described before.. I dismissed it thinking its just my nose.. but while making the milk I smelt it again ..but decided to ignore it.

The next morning , I went down to leave for work .. hubz was downstairs .. LilD was still asleep upstairs.. I heard the maid talking animatedly to hubz and my hubz was calmly asking questions.. when I asked she told me the whole thing.. apparently the nite before when she opened our room.. she saw a black kitten sitting next to our bed near the massage chair.. again she had massive goose bumps.. she raised her voice and said "apa kau buat sini dari mana kau masuk"  (what are u doing here where did you come in from) she immediately went out again to take the vacuum reasoning being it will create a loud noise but when she came back into the room the cat was no where to be found.. it came from no where and seemed to have just vanished.. she scoured the house looking for it.. remember, the doors were locked.. it couldn't have come in from the verandah because the first floor is quite high and there are no trees that it could possibly climb to get to the verandah.. the first thing that came to my mind was the whiff of smell i had experienced the night before.. that confirmed what she was saying.. I looked at hubz and said thats it we are sleeping at your moms tonite , he agreed. I just felt as if our room was invaded.

We both went to work after but had to leave LilD and maid behind because there was workmen sorting out the toilet problem and major works needed to be done so we could not leave them behind unattended.. around 10ish am I rang my maid asking if everything was alright she said yes but in the background I heard my son whining and the maid was saying come here come here.. didn't think anything of it at all.. at 11.45 hubz rang and asked me to come and go check out LilD.. I didnt think anything and said yes.. apparently my maid tried calling me because LilD has been crying and refused to be left alone.. he wanted to be carried all the time its as if something spooked him..the maid couldnt get hold of him apparently she dialed the wrong no. so she called my in laws house TWICE asking for help. What happened was she went up after the workers had left intending to clean and sort the room out and letting LilD watch cartoons while she was at it.. when they reached the room she was just about to straighten the room when there were loud bangs on the door.. boy was she spooked she left everything as it is.. she shut the TV and carried LilD downstairs that was when she started calling. When I heard I asked her to pack every necessary thing and immediately transported LilD and her to my in laws. 

Talk about Drama ..I came back again later with hubz, we packed necessary items and just left .. I had a real good nights sleep that night at least a peace of mind. The ustaz told us that that thing likes to go around knocking at windows.. this was before my maid told me that .. the maid at the house adjacent to us is too spooked to sleep alone downstairs and actually sleep upstairs with the kids she takes care of..she gets knocks at the windows as well.. the family whose parents are abroad mainly sleeps at their grandparents house not in their own house.. go figure.

LilD suffered too.. he has been having nightmares and crying during his sleeps.. wherever we go in the house he follows its just not normal.. sometimes watching tv and sitting nicely he would just cry as if he was spooked on top of that as I said before he has been sick every month too.. I couldnt take it anymore.. and I will not stand for it..heard from a family friend who is "sensitive" that the "thing" in that house was evil and wanted to possess LilD..what the.... wouldn't you be freaked out by that ?

It was sad that I had to move out after 4 months and 10 occasions where we had to call the ustaz to check out the place, but for our peace of mind and my son's safety .. I would rather be cramped in a room with all our things than be mentally terrorized by an unknown being..I did question whether the maid was making all the things up but the thing was Hubz and I experienced it too..Thank God I did not see anything though.

A lengthy post and unedited as I was trying to regurgitate what I had experienced over the 4 months..boy it sure did felt like we have stayed there for over a year .. I am sad to see the house in that state now.. abandoned... but I think for those who have little kids,you will all agree that it was for the best .

And the beat goes on..

After loads of soul searching and discussions with Hubz .. weighing the pros and cons... praying for direction.. I have decided that I will be staying on. The carrot dangled was actually not that great... all the drama that ensued before the carrot was dangled.. was not very pretty .. it certainly was an emotional roller-coaster for me.. but all things considered I will stay on for now.

And the beat goes on.. until the next crapiola gets thrown at me.. when that happens I will know what to do.

All good things must come to an end..

*Phew*...it has been a long time and I have almost forgotten how to blog..

So many happenings in the span of 3 months.. but what I am about to put in here had all happen in the span of less than a month..a whirlwind that has left me grasping for air. I did not know what I should do..I was confused and I prayed for direction.. at the end of it all the decision was made "for" me instead , no it was not decided by other people that I should go .. but it pointed to something akin to saying I can do whatever I like which made it easier for me to come to my decision.

It had been a crazy ride..I started in this place of work when I was 5 months pregnant with lilD.. now lilD is coming 3 years..I have come to love the people and the place's complexities.. there were times when I was really down.. but most time I am happy.. in spite of everything .

I shall be leaving this place.. with a heavy heart .. but one should not stay where one is'nt appreciated ....after all the mess that I have to sort out for other people , all the work that I have done *sighs* . The opportunity came out of nowhere.. and knowing that place's stringent recruitment process and how high profile it is not to mention great remuneration package.. I am humbled that they are giving me the honor of shouldering the responsibilities of heading the unit.

I don't want to leave this place.. I have not planned to.. but it gives me no choice but to go.. I shall be leaving G and O .. whom I have come to care so dearly.. my Finance beauties too.. sometimes it is just not about the money but when you have been let down and in the worst possible way too.. is there a point in staying.

I have had two other offers since then.. now my task it to choose the best possible place for me to progress on to..

God, please grant me the strength to persevere.. Amin!

*update*

Talk about at the 11th hour.. the  Management had thrown me a carrot to stay .. 

hmmm... gotta think about this now..

Waiting to exhale....

It has been a difficult few weeks for me..

sighsss....


Cleaning new house.. moving things.. buying new things.. searching for things... not so good on the work front too..work load getting more and more.. they say things gets lethargic come end of the year ? well if that is a syndrome its not happening to me this year..... it would seem that everyone is trying to finish things they took their time with in the first place and decided oh she is going on leave lets get her to finish it instead ..and the work load is tripled just like that..

no amount of ranting will resolve it.. what will resolve it is to put my nose on the grind and finish it on time ... because i am going back home.. to unwind.. and until i take that road/ flight (undecided to go by road of plane) home..only then can i exhale...

sighsssssss....

Pardon me.. just needed to vent.. meanwhile enjoy your holidays people you deserve it!

A parody of Beyonce's single ladies by JT on SNL

This is absolutely hillarious.. enjoy folks!

Thoughtlessness....

Got this from an email forwarded to me ... it surely did touch my heart.. a single action done in less than a minute could change the lives of so many people.. a thoughtless act done by one person could affect the lives of more than one... something to ponder about....

The message :

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old.

The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny,
are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.'


I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.'

His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.'

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.'

'I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check
again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

'OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'

Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

'My mommy loves white roses.'

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket.

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical

state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the

life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body o f the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart.

For those who prefer to think that God is not watching over us.... go ahead and delete this. For the rest of us... pass this on.

The value of a man or woman resides in what he or she gives, not in what they are capable of receiving... repost it as a story that touches your heart.

*sighs *

Hope Won

On the historic day of 5th November 2008, Hope won!

The victory of this person is now preserved in the annals of history to be the first African-american who became the President of the U. S of A. From the start people were weary but what is so obvious is this, the people do not want another Bush administration in the white house and people are ready for change. Enough with invading and "colonizing" other countries, lets get back to the basics and concentrate on what really matters their people and how they relate to the rest of the world.

To me personally , I am happy because from his speeches I feel that he is a reasonable man, a thinking man he unifies the people that transcends across the board regardless of color , religion and political believes. I think looking at how the Americans behaved during the results they felt the same way too. I know some of my fellow country man and adopted place say why are you so affected by this.. he is not your president. To them my answer is this..I care that he is being elected because I know that country's policy will affect the rest of the world. I also can't help drawing parallels to JFK for some reason. That he is charismatic and calm and fair appealed to me, that he is able to tell off the press for not going down and doing the dirty when the oppositions running mate's daughter got pregnant out of wedlock, tells me he is a fair man with integrity. The fact that he has respect for other religion and understands other cultures assures me. He unified his people and they feel that they are ready to take the journey with him.

In this difficult time of financial upheavals we need a rational man. I hope his administration will be able to guide his people and the rest of the world through this very difficult time. I hope he fulfills his promise and if he cant at least take a step on the right direction. Hope Won and I hope the dreams materializes.

Congratulations Barack Obama I am proud to be able to witness this history.