Lil'D

Dear all.. this is gonna be a very long post.. something I meant to do for a long time so hang on ..oh a little bit graphic and I don't advice those who refuse to read about births and what nots to go any further than this :P

Let me introduce my Lil D he is now 22 months and are counting the days until he reach 2 on the 08.08.08.

I gave birth to Lil D on the 08.08.06, to what seem to be a happy and sad time for me. Let me explain.. I had a little "show " (some discharge to show that you are about ready to give birth) on the friday and again on saturday but with no contractions . On the Sunday 06.08.06 Hubz and I decided we should go to the Hospital as there were more show.. still no contractions but since we are first time parents we'd rather not chance it by waiting. On to 2nd floor Maternity at RIPAS we went , Hubz had to wait outside while I go and get checked on by the Midwife...she checked and see I was not dilated . She was rough and I didnt like it.. damn painful ok..I thought I could go back home as I do not have any contractions instead she said no you can't go home since you are due and we will ward you.. I hated going into the Common Ward because there was no privacy and people stare at you I suppose thats all you can do when you are warded right. Hubz spent as much as time as possible with me until he had to go home .

I had a steady stream of visitors thinking I have already given birth, sighssss... no rest for the wicked.. first night at RIPAS was comfortable I see a lot of ladies who are admitted because they are about to deliver or they had gestational high blood pressure or just there to wait it out .. like me. In the morning when Dr's made their rounds..there was still no contraction. The Doctor came round to my bed and looked at my Medical History..you see on my last maternity checkup the Doctor told me that she is most certain that I would probably need a Ceasarean Section due to my height (4'10") and the Baby's weight was anticipated to be about 3.3kgs on top of the fact that this is my first baby. I had so wanted natural birth but am I guess at that stage just about ready for everything or anything.. since I dont really know what I am in for.. back to the Doctors round.. she spoke to me and said ok... you might need a CSection however, if you want we can give you a trial first (trial for natural birth) and I agreed. Since I have not experience any contraction after my "show" the Dr.s had decided to induce me.

They had to give me 2 inducements (my first inducement was at 8am and later on again at 4pm) before I had any contractions which started about 8PM.. small back pain really ..but by 12am i was already having contractions 1 minute apart. By this time I have had to call Hubz who was booted out from the Common ward at 9.30pm.

Into the Delivery room I went..my feeling was at the time apprehensive and bracing myself at the same time for what is to come..the Mid-wives asked me the weirdest questions .. did you take SALINDA? (what on earth is that.. ) I had my air selusuh , mobile and my glasses with me . Until they called my Hubz in . They had a baby heart monitor strapped around my tummy and the second journey began by my having one minute apart contractions but was not dialated.. I think between 12- 6am , 4 ladies came and went all delivering naturally and so fast! when I am still battling it out in the next room.

I was very distressed at one point coz the Midwives kept saying don't push when it felt like my body had a mind of its own.. seriously it must be a culmination of those two inducements. On top of that lil D's heart beat got very eratic.. at this stage it was already 4am and I was telling the Nurses.. perhaps we should go to Plan B coz I was seriously worried about the Baby.. yes yes I know babies heartbeat sort of goes slower as it travels down the birth cannal but seriously his was going up and up and up and up and suddenly no heartbeat when I remarked about this the midwive went "jangan tah kau ingau tu" ( don't you worry about it). To make matters worst I couldnt communicate with the Dr. who was on call and I couldnt understand her. Throughout the whole experience I remember inhaling the Gas and pulling Hubz shirt at one time through the sheer uncontrollable urge of what is a powerful contraction and have my mom there at some point .

By 6am I was tiring from the pain and trying to restrain myself from pushing and Hubz got annoyed when the Midwives ignored him and the Dr. on call was here and there.. a senior Dr came in checking up and my Hubz complaint that they are detaining me there when they know I am just in the delivery room for Trial. The Dr. cracked her whip after that asking for explanations. I remember her asking "why is she being kept here she is only on trial" .. to which the on call Dr said "but Dr. she already 8 CM dialated.. to that the Sr. Dr. said "let me check" and check she did .. she surfaced and barked "ONLY 6 CM.. prep her up and send her to OR! " (for your info you should only start pushing when you are 10 CM dialated and not before).

Do you know what it feels like to witness and experience all this whilst helpless and in pain? I felt completely NOT in control . Next thing I know they slapped on a sort of shower cap on me and wheeled me down to OR (operating room) ready for emergency C Section.. I was pushing and panting on the stretcher thingy they use to cart me off to OR malu eh hehe thank god it was early morning and not a lot of people were about.

As soon as I got to OR the Anesthetist gave me an epidural (an injection on the spine seriously I felt no pain whatsoever from the injection all I am feeling at the time were the pain from contractions.. ) they laid me down and put a sort of partition above my shoulder so I can't see down. I was exhausted beyond belief but still I was waiting , anticipating that robust cry from my child. ..when Lil D came out there was no sound.. I knew he was out of me coz the anesthetist said "the baby is out ok the baby is out.. its a boy"after about what seem like the longest time I heard a whimper.. the poor baby.. the pediatrician was frantically working on him after that whimper they brought him to me to kiss, even then I cant see him properly because my glasses was off.

The next thing I know Lil D was put into a portable incubator and quickly wheeled him up to NICU. I had to wait for longer as they were sorting me out.. this is when I was shaking sooooo hard! I dont know from shock or reaction .. but I was shaking so violently that they had to put this sort of warming blanket on me (hot air blowing through it ). I was later wheeled into the recovery room. The anesthetist accompanied me and later on the Sr. Dr. came to me.. She told me I had a baby boy weighing 3.2KGs and that it was very fortunate that we decided to proceed with the Operation then because the umbilical cord was around the baby's neck and it would not have been safe for him plus the biggest mother of all news was tht Lil D had ingested muconium and has problem breathing..but stable. I was thankful but about ready to cry after about 20 minutes..I was pushed through what seemed like an underground network, we went here and there went through doors and into an elevator and finally surfaced to premises I know more off..the Common Maternity ward. The ward was soooo full that they had to turn away some patients!

I was frantic for news and I still could'nt move on account of the epidural. I kept asking Hubz where the baby is.. He told me that lil D is now in the Special Care Unit for Babies and they are observing him. He even took photos of him My heart just break into tiny pieces when I saw the mobile pic's/video. They had a plastic box over his head, I assume to control the oxygen and he had wires around him and in him and breathing very fast and hard. The Doctors also had to give him medication to combat the harmful organism that he had ingested. Thankfully Lil D responded but that does not mean he was out of the woods yet. After about 1 hour in NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit) he was transfered to SCBU. He was there for about 5 days for monitoring and it was complicated further with some infant jaundice . For that he had to go under the ultraviolet light for long hours with only his diaper and a sort of eye shield patch .. my poor baby.

Lil'D in NICU

Thats what I meant by Sad.. he came into life with such suffering . It would be trying even for an adult what more a new born. The saddest part of all and a lot of regret on my part is all that could have been avoided had they decided to go to Plan B earlier. The day he was released out of SCBU was my happiest its like I can take back whats righfully mine , all the while I was wheeled to and from my room to the SCBU on visitation and not allowed to be there for too long ( yes I got a first class room a few hours after giving birth mainly because the common maternity ward was running out of beds and wheeled because SCBU was quite far from the room).

The first night he was allowed to sleep in my room an ultraviolet contraption cum bed is where he is meant to sleep. He was not allowed to be clothed because his skin must be exposed to the light. I was praying real hard for his blood count test to indicate that it is safe to bring him home. That same night he was also crying.. alllll nightttt.. I kid you not.. mainly because he was cold and because he was hungry problem being he does not want to be Breast fed ( he was cup fed in SCBU) oh the dilemma .. a new challenge faced me..I had to pump and put him to my breast for ages and ages but he refuse to suck ! I was exhausted stressed out and scared .. this was not made easy because the next morning Hubz had to leave overseas for a course he could not turn down. The silent tears that fell that morning he left .. I felt abandoned ( drama lah kan hehe..) . I am pretty sure he felt twice as bad as I dont know how many times he rang me. But at least he had a few good nights sleep unlike me.

My Mom in law came in to accompany me after Hubz left and later my Mom took over. I bonded with my mom that night.. three generation slept in one bed.. and at that moment I felt so very connected to her . I couldnt believe I took her for granted all these while yes I appreciated her yes I love her but nothing compounds it more than when you have just had your baby and had to be reliant on her. Especially in my operated state with a little infant and without your Husband to rely on for the next 4 days. That 4 days felt like a life time . But I enjoyed my mom.. I was like a big baby hehe..

Now, Lil D is at the stage of learning to speak and are basically on monosyllables..however he has mastered the art of saying "Mo more" ( no more.. and signed with both hands that its finished ) for whenever anything is finished, "te ku" for thank you and he would say mummy yummy or mummy yum yum for food he loves watching Johnny and the Sprites , Pocoyo and Danny and Daddy on PHDC. He will grab his favorite blankie and gesture to the milk bottles if he wants milk..he will say "apa tu" while pointing at my PC especially when I am Blogging heheh..My lil son is communicating .. Alhamdulillah.. I suppose new mothers and not so new mothers go through this often especially in their childs formative years..worrying about their Babies progress.

Lil'D when he turned 1!

I am happy that Lil D is bestowed to me from the Almighty.. Alhamdulillah.. he was born at 6.44am, 3.2kg's and 52 cm long, his birth was both happy AND sad because of what he had to go through but he is now a healthy lil Boy the apple of our eyes and joy of our lives.