The Climb...

A lot of time has passed.. a lot of things has happened .. deaths, birthdays and happy events all in the span of a few months.

I guess.. everyone needs to ascend in living their lives.. yes there are ups and downs.. but we make our lives what it is.. accountable to our own actions.. all challenges we have to face..head on.

This song is so apt. Enjoy this Acappella cover of M.iley's song by AHMIR- thanks Atty for introducing.. love their sound.. so reminiscent of B II M

p/s will try to update more

Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson, Beyonce Knowles, Celine Dion, Anastacia, Backstreet Boys, Luther Van Dross, Ricky Martin - What

To say we were shocked was an understatement, it was like loosing someone you know.. all of your life.. we all at some point grew up with Michael Jackson's song.. danced to it, lamented with it..sang to it..alas.. what comes from God will return to God..May God bless his soul..

Saw this video on utube..an MJ collaboration with the Stars .. not the most played song but I think this represents MJ till his death.. yeah what more can he give... RIP Michael Jackson.

Updates

Archived entry that I never posted..I just thought I would post it here now since I do treat this place as a journal of sorts. Wanted to remember this.

26th June 2009

A lot has happened since I last posted.. at work, at home.. I guess I have lost my mojo to post hehe..sooo drained by the time I come back from work and so packed during weekends and after work..oh.. on top of that very engrossed with my Scrabbles and FB"ing".. a quick update :

1.  Lil D has started school oh boy were we both heart broken .. he was absolutely fine when we dropped him off to school unfortunately since he was so used to afternoon naps he fell asleep in school. We did not manage to enrol him into the morning class on account of full quota..anyway when finally woke up he just started crying. The teacher rang me at 3.30 to come pick him up.. well that was the standing instruction anyway until further notice.. glad and proud to report that we only picked him up that once at 3.30 the rest is at 4.30 pm on the dot as it should be .
2. Lil D got used to school and are now enjoying it very much.. he even had a school trip on a bus to go shopping at SUPASAVE and had tea at the Millenium resto.. not bad for a not so 3 year old.
   
3. For the first time went to LilD's school to pick his report card and happy to report the 2 weeks he was there the teacher is well pleased with his progress considering he came in mid year when other students had a head start.
4. I have to start planning for Lil D's Birthday in August as I think this is the age that birthday celebrations will hold some sort of significance and this will be memories is created for them .
   
5. The Government Clinic says Lil D needs to get an MMR Shot 2nd booster when he reaches 3 in August.. bummer! I always get nervous when it comes to shots.
   
6. Discovered Lil D absolutely loveddddddd loved loved swimming.. absolutely refused to go out of the water even though a bit hesitant at first. Even wanted to go into the grown up pool as opposed to the baby pool!I had a tough time going in and out of the pool chasing after him ..but it was fun.
   
7. Had to rush Lil D off to the Medical Center as he was breathing really tightly.. no wheeze just labored breathing.. freaked the bejeepers out of me...hubs wasn't around .. good thing my aunty voluntered to send us ..we were there until 9 pm.. we reached there about 7ish, immediately attended to but..Lil D had to be nebulized so that he could breath more easily.. I absolutely hate it when a child gets sick.. the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders, you keep thinking of "what ifs" and "did i do that right?". Sighs Alhamdulillah .. he is in good shape now..after the nebulizer for about 30 mins and loads of coaxing and cajoling the nurse finally came in to take off the nebulizer mask.. he was so hyper but absolutely lurve the ventolin puffs he had to use..I stopped giving it to him after a week as  he stopped coughing and was much better.

Funeral

Touched me greatly.. at the end of the day it is all about your family..another great one from Yasmin Ahmad for the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) Singapore.

This and That

We have settled back with the in-laws , LilD absolutely loved it because my SIL and kids were back from Turkey ..not that they can really understand what the other talks about but the kids spoke a language that is a time honored tradition , the language of children.. isn't it funny that kids can "communicate" and enjoy each other without really understanding what the other is saying..I always marvel at this.

Aside from that AF7 is on going so is American Idol.. this year somehow I am more into American Idol than I am AF7.. not a lot of opinion on either so I resolved to just sit back and enjoy the ride .. am rooting for Adam lambert , Matt G and Danny Gokey  for AI.

On the work front .. boy was there many many changes.. we have a different boss now, different style all around but more importantly our previous Department is a fraction of what it used to .. sadness does not even begin to cover it.. the whole team feels dejected. The staff are being moved here and there.. and its just not the same any more. This however did not dissuade me, I seemed to have gained a new kind of resolve lately ... which is not to be too bothered with what's going on around me and just do my job and whatever crap they dished at me.. sure we grouse about it but I am extra careful not to let it get to me too much, I suppose that is life right ? I just feel that I need to be in a good frame of mind at this stage of my life.. sure there will be ups and downs but if the experiences early this year have taught anything it is to be firm on my resolve .

LilD will be starting school soon... I don't know if his baba and mummy is ready but we know it'll be good for him.. the teacher said it may be worth our while to enroll him in May (this saturday) since he will be 2 years 9 months soon but the dad and I think we will send him in June instead . He seemed to have enjoyed his assessment and having a laugh with new found friends so I am sure he will enjoy school but being a mom I can't help but think.. will he be able to sit still and listen to the teacher, will he be running around making too much noise, will he be sleepy since he normally naps in the afternoon ( he is slotted to go to Afternoon sessions the morning ones is full).. but I suppose we will just have to let him learn and we just have to learn to let go. Sighs my baby is growing up too fast. 

The outbreak of Swine Flu does not assure me either .. I mean its the Flu for crying out loud, how does one contain these virus that its airborne and can you imagine how easy one could catch it.. so we are extra diligent now.. always washing hands .. the advise is go back to basics .. wash hands after everything. Please take a moment to check out the powerpoint slides , got a heads up of it from a friend :

http://www.pitt.edu/~super1/lecture/lec34601/index.htm

Be safe and healthy people.. until next time.. toodles

xox

Supernatural

Yes.. I know.. this blog has been neglected of late. Part of the reason was.. We moved house last December and having to deal with a lot of upheavals at work . This is April and we have since moved back to my in-laws house. Why ? I shall tell you some of our experiences since staying at the house. 

Its a nice big house with huge compound.. huge master bedroom, nice living area outside and on the opposite side of the house there was one nice big bedroom with en-suite bathroom and two medium rooms one with en-suite bathroom and a small storage room. This place is quite far from where we lived before, the traffic congestions in the morning is horrible if you go out way past 7am it will mean you reaching the office way over 8 am  but otherwise the house is comfortable because we had a lot of space , more so than what we were used to anyway. The house looked good when we first saw it we see that it had loads of potential.. nice marble tiles inside lovely sized kitchen nice laundry area maids room etc.. nice . 

We were uber excited when we got the house.. shopped for sofa's and furniture and kitchen utensils, fridge, freezer you name it.. anything that will make a home a home, once ready we moved out of my in-laws and settled blissfully in the house.. not before we called one Ustadz to help bless and "cleanse" the house and another group of Ustaz who was from the Pejabat ugama who brought 3 of his helpers to again pray and cleanse the house. He gave us the verses to say and to enter at a certain period of the day and time of the week, what was imprinted by my head was he told us.. after entering the house facing the road and reading the verses.. we are to say loudly that we will be staying here from now on and kindly leave the house... or something along that line.. and he said if you hear anything fall or feel goosebumps that thing is in the house and will leave. Well Hubz did this and we did not get any reaction so we thought ok lah kow tim.. the house is ready to live in. We are not one to discount the supernatural but we were not quite 100% about experiencing what he told us let alone encounter such supernatural occurrences.

This is done because the house has been left empty for absolutely yonks and we did not want to chance it. When we first came in.. we did not feel too comfortable.. it felt lonely and empty if that makes sense.. we attributed that to having tooo much space ..well more so than what we are used to anyway ..oh that and there was just 4 of us plus maid who will be sleeping downstairs outside the kitchen where her room is situated.

The incidences 

It started about a week into us living there.. it was experienced by my maid first ..this was in December.

My hubz , lil D and I went out to fetch my mom and grams from the airport.. and basically spent time at my Aunt's house where they were staying. I had no knowledge of what she experienced that day until my MIL insisted calling this Ustadz who is very knowledgeable about "jin" about a month later. Apparently that night she was happily having dinner at the kitchen when she heard loud knocking on the window.. shocked the hell out of her she thought it was someone trying to be funny seeing that the empty house next door was under construction. She was spooked because she could not see "anyone" ..she immediately went to the living room and put the tv on again there was knockings on the window.. almost immediately when she came in. She gave us a very funny face when opening the door that night.. which brought hubs and I thinking.. what a sour face she cant be that tired ..after all we do not disturb her after maghrib anyway. That made sense when My Mom in law informed the ustadz what had happened. 

Another Incident told to the ustadz was this. My maid got up really early she will wake up for subuh prayers go up and collect the clothes to be laundered , shower and get ready for the day while the machine was on final spin, she decided to make some coffee to start the day I suppose.. since the coffee was pipping hot she decided to hang the clothes to dry before sitting down for breakfast.. this would be around 6 ish.. hubz and I wouldn't have gone down yet .. busy showering getting ready for work.. we have to leave before 7 remember, anyway when she got back from hanging clothes she found that her coffee that was pipping hot had been drunk to almost a cm left in the cup.. she was shocked no one was around and she only left it about 10 -15 minutes tops but again she kept this to herself. 

My maid must have strong spirits.. she did not want to tell us for fear of spooking us , she told my mil's maid and she in turn told my mil.. so that was how I found out ,I was oblivious to the whole thing..anyway..hubz and I was not spooked interestingly enough.. I just thought ok what are we gonna do about this now.. I basically found all this a pain.. and refused to be bothered by it. 

What I hated most was.. it would seem that every month since we entered the house LilD had some form of illness.. he had the worst fever ever and I suffered the same , we have had to bring him to JPMC for emergencies too because we were afraid he would convulse because he was shivering from the high fever.. he felt really hot but was cold. I had the same fever I think .. I couldn't get out of bed ..really high high fever..

Still we took it as one of those things.. meanwhile we have always played the Quran chanel non stop from the radio, we held prayers , we have our Quran reading once a week that was how we assured ourselves from these so called "disturbances" .

The third incident came and was experienced by me directly, I was cuddling lil D to sleep on my fit ball while i had the tv on mute and lights dimmed.. hubz was in the bathroom. Our master bedroom had laminated flooring so you would be able to hear papers of plastic scrapes on the floor.. anyway I was rocking forwards and backwards and was facing the TV with only a bedside table behind me.. we had our laptops charging and on mute, until i heard a realllly loud PSSTTTTTTTTTTT ... I dismissed it as probably scraps of paper or bits of plastic bag discarded that was scraped by the fitball.. but nevertheless I turned around as the sound came from behind me.. I looked down I looked around.. nothing the floor was clean.  I ignored it and turned around by then LilD was getting drowsy.. and again the sound came ..PSSSSSSTTTTTT.. louder this time to the extent that LilD looked up and looked around.. boy was I pissed off.. LilD is long and he is getting heavier now and it takes a bit of patience to put him to bed that way and that bloody thing woke him up.. I told LilD to ignore it and go back to sleep I told him "shhh...sleep ..there is nothing there.." I was not scared but felt urghhh.. that thing was playing with me!

One Sunday it was my maid's day off so we decided to hang around at my mil's seeing that the maid is going with mil's maid and it will be too tedious having to fetch her again later.. before leaving the house at 10am we locked everything as is the norm.. I went down to get things ready and checked everything.. before going down I also checked that the windows upstairs and my verandah sliding door is shut and locked of this I was pretty certain. My Verandah door is hard to open I say that because you need some force to push one side open and some more force to shut it. We came back home at about 7.30 pm as we decided to do maghrib prayers first before we left my mil's house. As we reached the house it was pitch black..it felt earie.. we had forgotten to leave any lights in the house on. So since LilD was asleep I had asked the maid to unlock the front door and open all the lights before I bring him in..as the lights came on .. I came down from the care and made my way in ..my maid came down from opening the lights and aircon in our room looking worried/puzzled. I said kenapa ? (why?) she asked me if we had shut the verandah door when we left the room I said yes.. she told me it was wideeeeee open.. the first thing that came to mind was ..Burglars.

I told Hubz and he went up to check.. I stayed downstairs with LilD. They checked everything .. my valuables ,electrical goods and important docs were intact. We all looked at each other after and that incident had sown the seed of  super uneasiness about the house.

Another incident came during national day.. I had O and G sleeping over and since they were participating with the march pass they had to leave before 5.30am . I had told my maid to make sure she unlocks the gates so that they could go.. so at 5 they all trudged out of the door my maid to the gate and O and G to the Car.. they were putting stuff in the car and putting on their shoes.. but My maid saw something that she related to me immediately when I went down for breakfast.. as she walked to the gate she saw something she thought was a big black plastic of rubbish but upon reaching she knew it was erm.. not rubbish but a being.. not human.. this is what she told me " she actually said hello excuse me.." she said this several times until she said aku mau buka pagar aku bukan mau kacau kau (I want to open the gate not here to disturb you) that thing turned.. her hair just stood on end.. freaked out , that thing was pitch black and when it turned it was not just the neck turning but the whole thing turned like a chair would swivel.. that thing got up and ran.. and vanished she opened the gate and walked really fast and locked the door. I asked O if they saw anything outside when they left .. she said nothing because they were oblivious and pre-occupied maybe excited for the day I suppose but when I relayed to her the story she said it made sense then why it took about 15 minutes for my maid to open the door when it should've taken less than that. O said my maid basically pulled up her skirt to her knees and walked to the house like she was going to take off.. so that story sort of checks out.

That was the point when we started feeling uneasy.. again another ustaz was called .. this one said they will try to move it.. they came and went up the rooms and around the house.. we were told it likes to stay at our verandah and on top of our verandah ,on the roof and one likes to hang where a mount was next to the gate.. that figures.. we did not hear a lot of after that cleansing until one friday.. I came down to go to work and on my way down i smelt something erm.. yucky its a cross between the smell of a wet dog fur and whatever they left behind.. and a fishy metallic smell....the maid was busy vacumming the floor and i saw she had the mop bucket there. I thought she had already mopped hence the smell.. she said "it stinks right  ?" and I said yes .. maybe we should get another mop assuming it came from the mop.. she was surprised she said but ma'am I haven't even mopped yet.. i dont know where this smell came from it was even worst at 5 this morning gives me a headache she said.. wanting to get to the bottom of it we both set about smelling sofa, carpet , curtain, floor.. no smell.. the smell was just well auguring around the living room.. when we asked the ustaz he said.. that thing got angry at being moved and came back ..I got pretty annoyed at that..

We experienced two more incidences the horrid horrid smell I mean, my maid smelt it next to her room and into her room and I smelt it as I was climbing into the Car to drive to work..I guess it was just making a statement.

After that several more ustaz and not so ustaz came .. we still hear knockings on the doors windows, one morning it was about 3 ish.. i basically jumped from my bed because i heard knockings..the thought process when I ran to reach for the door was I thought I was late for work , and if not perhaps there was an emergency and the maid needed help.. when logic sets in I stopped and went back to the bed and sat down.. I told my maid in any emergency CALL me don't come out of your room or don't come up .. plus the more I analyzed the more convinced I was that the knocking does not sound like it came from the door  (wood) it sounded like it came from our verandah sliding door , akin to using keys to knock on glass.. That spooked me but I still refused to be scared.

We lived like that for a month.. some weird sounds...knockings etc etc.. but we generally ignored it... in March again Lil D got sick.. fever out of no where.. thinking he may have caught the hubz's flu.. but it turned out to be some viral rash fever, we really have no idea how he would have caught that.

My maid again told my mil's maid that she has had another incident.. she refused to tell us until i absolutely forced it out of her.. that was early april.. apparently she had had the knockings this time more like scratching on her window when she peeked she saw a HAND coming out to touch her curtain she screamed! that really freaked her out.. but she maintained silence.

The climax was reached early this month.. my mom, grams and brother came over by Road.. my mom and grams decided to stay with my Aunt and my Bro at mine.  The first time my brother entered his room he was surprised that the curtains were flicked open.. as if someone had held it and let go .. he thought it was a lizard but no lizard unless its a big one could flick it that much.. he went there open the curtains and challenged .. ok come! but nothing happened.. the second nite he slept .. as he was about to settle in to sleep he saw something in the corner of his room.. something black but not distinct..he just read Ayatul Qursi and it went away but it was there for quite a while the same night the air condition to his room was shut off, they checked it was not due to a timer .. it was shut off.

When I heard that I told hubz .. enough is enough.. lets proceed to move.. because frankly after LilD stopped at the store room under the stairs which is always dark and GROWLED we both think we should move out soon I mean NO ONE taught him to do that and he would not have been exposed to such horror movies on TV !

On Sunday night since my brother will be going back with my mom and grams on monday morning, we all decided to go to my aunts again basically to hang out before they go back the next morning, since they are going by road we would not be able to meet up in the morning see, anyway before we left I had asked the maid to clear our bed since LilD played on it before. The main door needs to be locked by keys hence she locked up right after we left. After our visit .. we went home.. LilD was sleepy and wanted his milk.. so i went to our dresser where we kept the milk things.. the water dispenser bottle etc.. I had a whiff of the smell I described before.. I dismissed it thinking its just my nose.. but while making the milk I smelt it again ..but decided to ignore it.

The next morning , I went down to leave for work .. hubz was downstairs .. LilD was still asleep upstairs.. I heard the maid talking animatedly to hubz and my hubz was calmly asking questions.. when I asked she told me the whole thing.. apparently the nite before when she opened our room.. she saw a black kitten sitting next to our bed near the massage chair.. again she had massive goose bumps.. she raised her voice and said "apa kau buat sini dari mana kau masuk"  (what are u doing here where did you come in from) she immediately went out again to take the vacuum reasoning being it will create a loud noise but when she came back into the room the cat was no where to be found.. it came from no where and seemed to have just vanished.. she scoured the house looking for it.. remember, the doors were locked.. it couldn't have come in from the verandah because the first floor is quite high and there are no trees that it could possibly climb to get to the verandah.. the first thing that came to my mind was the whiff of smell i had experienced the night before.. that confirmed what she was saying.. I looked at hubz and said thats it we are sleeping at your moms tonite , he agreed. I just felt as if our room was invaded.

We both went to work after but had to leave LilD and maid behind because there was workmen sorting out the toilet problem and major works needed to be done so we could not leave them behind unattended.. around 10ish am I rang my maid asking if everything was alright she said yes but in the background I heard my son whining and the maid was saying come here come here.. didn't think anything of it at all.. at 11.45 hubz rang and asked me to come and go check out LilD.. I didnt think anything and said yes.. apparently my maid tried calling me because LilD has been crying and refused to be left alone.. he wanted to be carried all the time its as if something spooked him..the maid couldnt get hold of him apparently she dialed the wrong no. so she called my in laws house TWICE asking for help. What happened was she went up after the workers had left intending to clean and sort the room out and letting LilD watch cartoons while she was at it.. when they reached the room she was just about to straighten the room when there were loud bangs on the door.. boy was she spooked she left everything as it is.. she shut the TV and carried LilD downstairs that was when she started calling. When I heard I asked her to pack every necessary thing and immediately transported LilD and her to my in laws. 

Talk about Drama ..I came back again later with hubz, we packed necessary items and just left .. I had a real good nights sleep that night at least a peace of mind. The ustaz told us that that thing likes to go around knocking at windows.. this was before my maid told me that .. the maid at the house adjacent to us is too spooked to sleep alone downstairs and actually sleep upstairs with the kids she takes care of..she gets knocks at the windows as well.. the family whose parents are abroad mainly sleeps at their grandparents house not in their own house.. go figure.

LilD suffered too.. he has been having nightmares and crying during his sleeps.. wherever we go in the house he follows its just not normal.. sometimes watching tv and sitting nicely he would just cry as if he was spooked on top of that as I said before he has been sick every month too.. I couldnt take it anymore.. and I will not stand for it..heard from a family friend who is "sensitive" that the "thing" in that house was evil and wanted to possess LilD..what the.... wouldn't you be freaked out by that ?

It was sad that I had to move out after 4 months and 10 occasions where we had to call the ustaz to check out the place, but for our peace of mind and my son's safety .. I would rather be cramped in a room with all our things than be mentally terrorized by an unknown being..I did question whether the maid was making all the things up but the thing was Hubz and I experienced it too..Thank God I did not see anything though.

A lengthy post and unedited as I was trying to regurgitate what I had experienced over the 4 months..boy it sure did felt like we have stayed there for over a year .. I am sad to see the house in that state now.. abandoned... but I think for those who have little kids,you will all agree that it was for the best .

And the beat goes on..

After loads of soul searching and discussions with Hubz .. weighing the pros and cons... praying for direction.. I have decided that I will be staying on. The carrot dangled was actually not that great... all the drama that ensued before the carrot was dangled.. was not very pretty .. it certainly was an emotional roller-coaster for me.. but all things considered I will stay on for now.

And the beat goes on.. until the next crapiola gets thrown at me.. when that happens I will know what to do.

All good things must come to an end..

*Phew*...it has been a long time and I have almost forgotten how to blog..

So many happenings in the span of 3 months.. but what I am about to put in here had all happen in the span of less than a month..a whirlwind that has left me grasping for air. I did not know what I should do..I was confused and I prayed for direction.. at the end of it all the decision was made "for" me instead , no it was not decided by other people that I should go .. but it pointed to something akin to saying I can do whatever I like which made it easier for me to come to my decision.

It had been a crazy ride..I started in this place of work when I was 5 months pregnant with lilD.. now lilD is coming 3 years..I have come to love the people and the place's complexities.. there were times when I was really down.. but most time I am happy.. in spite of everything .

I shall be leaving this place.. with a heavy heart .. but one should not stay where one is'nt appreciated ....after all the mess that I have to sort out for other people , all the work that I have done *sighs* . The opportunity came out of nowhere.. and knowing that place's stringent recruitment process and how high profile it is not to mention great remuneration package.. I am humbled that they are giving me the honor of shouldering the responsibilities of heading the unit.

I don't want to leave this place.. I have not planned to.. but it gives me no choice but to go.. I shall be leaving G and O .. whom I have come to care so dearly.. my Finance beauties too.. sometimes it is just not about the money but when you have been let down and in the worst possible way too.. is there a point in staying.

I have had two other offers since then.. now my task it to choose the best possible place for me to progress on to..

God, please grant me the strength to persevere.. Amin!

*update*

Talk about at the 11th hour.. the  Management had thrown me a carrot to stay .. 

hmmm... gotta think about this now..